Timeline of a Meltdown

"...these kinky bedroom thoughts progressed into a heterosexual gray area..." -- March 16, 2007

"The blog may suffer...This project has ruined my life..." -- March 18, 2007

"I did not get aroused... like I normally do when watching rape, so that means I can joke about rape." -- March 19, 2007

"I...lubed up my ass for the pounding it was about to receive." -- March 20, 2007

"I will hit multiple Dunkin’ Donuts..." -- March 21, 2007

"It only took five seconds for me to regress into a beta male." -- March 22, 2007

“I Swallow Cum” -- March 25, 2007

"Many times a girl has dated me... and then dived back into the arms of the ex-boyfriend..." -- March 26, 2007

"...girls treat me like a coworker..." -- March 27, 2007

"...I know I’m flirting with the edge of your attention span..." -- March 27. 2007

"I went into this... a little naive because I thought the five particpants (sic) would be as anti-American as me." -- March 28, 2007

"...my body got itchy in multiple places at the same time. I wrote it off as crabs...From a skin perspective, these have been the worst of my life—and I’ve had some bad pizza-face breakouts in my day." -- March 29, 2007

"...the DC blog scene will once again see its heyday of early 2006." -- March 30, 2007

"I’m moving in with my Dad tomorrow... I do not have another job lined up..." -- March 30, 2007

How long until Roosh hangs it up completely? Anyone want to start a pool?

Let's Gossip More About Pagan

Here are the theories so far:

1) I am a "fug" (per the oh-so-charming Arjewtino).
2) I am a guy.
3) I am a 43 year old overweight woman with 3 kids.
4) I am Big Head Rob.
5) I am married to Big Head Rob.
6) I am married to Sexiest Hetero Blogger Uneven Steven.
7) I write BEST DC Blog.
8) I write Bigger Bitch Than You and all of her terrific commentary.

Anyone else want to throw an absurdity into the mix? I'm truly flattered to be mistaken for such an entertaining string of personalities, but as good as I may be, I can't be everywhere at once.

Meanwhile, I'm just going to keep writing.

I Must Be Superwoman

Roosh Says:
March 27th, 2007 at 3:48 pm

Not responding is power.


Roosh Says:
March 27th, 2007 at 8:15 pm

By the way if you haven’t figured it out, Pagan Marbury is doing best dc blog.

Well, if Roosh says it, it must be true.

So, who has the "power" now?

The Poor Sap on "Grease" Tonight

OK, SPOILER ALERT and all that jazz. After the Edwards interview (they NAILED it!), I switched over to the "Grease" reality show. This is the one where the America votes to cast Sandy and Danny in the Grease revival on Broadway this summer.

The girl who won, Laura, had postponed her wedding to participate in the competition. During her retrospective, they interviewed her fiance, who was all, "I totally support her following her dreams, and I'm willing to wait, blah blah blah", the supportive man behind the woman. Tonight he had that Chad Lowe deer-in-the-headlights look as it must have dawned on him that she's MOVING TO NEW YORK TO STAR ON BROADWAY and she's NEVER COMING BACK.

Sayonara, sucka. You should have nailed that shit down when you had the chance.

Bigger Bitch Than Me

Bigger Bitch, of BEST DC Blog comment section fame, has launched a blog of her own, and boy does she bring the hate. Not even a day old, she's already attracted quite a fan base, judging by her own comment section.

Does she have another blog? Was she a bystander in the recent unpleasantness? Is she just new to our little corner of the world?

Whatever her story, I'm hooked.

I hope blogging doesn't cut into the time she spends hating at BEST DC Blog.

Flaming Sharkbait

In the face of a brief flame-war frenzy, the author of Finding Sharkbait has deleted her entire blog. Sharkbait stood accused of nominating herself in order to get attention, and then trashing the BEST DC Blog site in her comment section.

A bit of an overreaction, yes, but nervous brides can be touchy like that.

What She Said

Two of Pagan's blogs were nominated as BEST DC Blog by the Best DC Writer.

I am humbled. People think she's good. And even though this contest is widely rumored to be nothing more than Tart's Psych 490 experiment, it's still an honour. And great fun.

Roosh Chases Amy, Navigates "Heterosexual Gray Area"

Roosh and his minions are up in arms over the MMF threeway.

Whatevs. A real man can handle a woman with experience.

And what's up with sharing your homoerotic fantasies? We know it's perfectly natural to explore alternative sexual expression. We just aren't used to you sounding so much like an actual human being.

As per usual with Roosh's posts, someone else said it first, and better:

So, there's me and Amy. And we're all inseparable, right? Big time in love. Then four months down the road, the idiot gear kicks in, and I ask about the ex-boyfriend. Which, as we all know, is a really dumb move. But you know how you don't wanna know, but just have to know--stupid guy bullshit. So, anyway, she starts telling me about him. How they fell in love, how they went out for a couple of yeas, how they lived together, her mother likes me better, blah blah blah blah blah. And I'm okay. Then she drops the bomb. And the bomb is this: it seems that a couple of times while they were going out, he brought some people to bed with him, "menage a troi," I believe it's called. And this just blows my mind, right? I mean, I am not used to this sorta thing; I was raised Catholic, for Gods sake.
...
So I'm totally weirded out by this, right? So I start blasting her. I mean, I don't know how to deal with what I'm feeling, so I figure the best way is to call her 'slut,' tell her she was used. I'm out for blood, I really want to hurt this girl. I'm like, "What the fuck is your problem," right? And she's just trying to calmly tell me it was that time, it was that place, and she doesn't feel like she should apologize because she doesn't feel that she's done anything wrong. And I say, "Oh, really?" That's when I look her straight in the eye, tell her it's over. I walk.
...
No, idiot, it was a mistake. I wasn't disgusted with her, I was afraid. In that moment, I felt small, like I lacked experience, like I'd never be enough for her or something like that, you know what I'm saying? But what I did not get: she didn't care. She wasn't looking for that guy any more. She was looking for me, for the Bob. But by the time I figured this all out, it was too late. She had moved on. And all I had to show for it was some foolish pride which gave way to regret. She was the girl. I know that now. But (lights a cigarette) I pushed her away.

So I spend every day since then chasing Amy.

So to speak.

Sexy Man

Boy, were my predictions way off! But this Uneven Steven character seems molestable, even though he uses words I don't understand.

I wonder if the group thinks he's cool. Surely they do- white boys quoting rap lyrics are always cool.

Beware the Ides of March

Is there hot gossip brewing? I'll bet you a Shamrock Shake there is!

Sexy-Man Bloggers

Oooh-la-la, the BEST DC Blog site has THE BEST contest this week. We get to discuss and vote on who the sexiest male bloggers are.

I am delighted to have a whole new crop of boys to chase after.

Roosh and "Virgle Can't" weren't even nominated. That surprises me because they are totally hot bloggers who totally talk about hooking up all the time. I guess they leave very few satisfied customers. I already told you about Roosh's underwear fetish; plus, everybody knows he doesn't drop. Pansy ass.

Let's talk about the sexy, sexy bloggers. My alter ego, Evil Andrew, has already listed my current faves, but let's go through the whole list. You never know who's going to become part of the IN crowd so I'm going to try to hook up with all of them.

Barzelay. He's a law student so he's going to be totally rich someday. Rich is sexy. Good writers are sexy too.

Big Head Rob. "The very hetero male glamazon of gossip". What can I say that hasn't already been said? He rocks. Maybe he and Pagan are the same person. She rocks, so it makes sense, right?

Big Stupid Guy. I tried to cut him for being big and stupid but then someone explained that it was I-RON-IC. Kind of like my hero Pagan calling herself a slut. Irony is sexy.

Good at Drinking. This is a good sign, because guys usually have to be drunk to hook up with me.

Ninja. As someone mentioned, he's a homeowner, but I don't want plaster falling down around me while we bone. Best that I drag him back to my group house. Maybe the new roomie will look up from Civ IV long enough to notice me and be jealous.

LMNtal. He's such a puppy. I just want to hug him and love him and squeeze him and call him George. He would make a great boyfriend. I wish I had a boyfriend.

Needtsza. His site is a little garish, but I love bloggers who just wing it. He's in the cool crowd. I wonder how I can get his attention.

Rock Creek Rambler. I heard he was a musician. I love to service musicians, but I don't think he's a musician any more. When he was hot he was in the Washington Post. That was many years ago.

Rusty. Rage is sexy. This kid has so much pent up aggression I bet he's a tiger in the sack. I wonder if I could handle him.

TC. I like his blog but posts about the housing bubble aren't sexy. I bet he's the next to go.

Uneven Steven. A newcomer to the scene, and a dark horse in this contest. What did I call him? A drinker and a thinker. The perfect man. I think he's too smart to bother with the likes of me. His posts are often over my head.

Your Pal Pete. Again, musicians are my fave, and he's a writer, too. There has been mention of a magnum-sized penis. I'd like to dip his bald head in oil and rub it all over my body.

So there you go. Who are you voting for?

Oooh-la-la, Time to Get Messy

Today I was honored and humbled at the news that I was nominated at Best DC Blog as an Oooh-la-la Messy Relationship blog. I'm so pathetic I don't have any relationships outside of the blogoshere, but those folks certainly are messy- some of them don't even shower or shave! So, I guess I qualify. I wish I knew who was behind my nomination. Oooh-la-la, indeed!

But alas, before I was even aware of my nomination, all was lost. Amid conversation of possibly-lesbian naughty school girls, tacky sparkling couple blogs, sock puppets, circle jerks, cunnilingus-themed aliases, and sexually explicit photography exhibits involving tennis rackets, I was eliminated from the competition. No one even gave me a reason why.

Even though my blog now bears the designation LOSER for all the world to see, I'm not bitter. There's no such thing as bad publicity!

Be sure to go vote for your favorite Oooh-la-la blog Messy Relationship blog at Best DC Blog.