Thongspeedz

Hi. I call myself realthongspeed, RTS for short. I'm super bitter and lonely, and I vent my frustrations by writing a parody blog poking fun at someone who doesn't even exist, "Pagan M. of Thong Speed", and, presumably, the author behind her.

It's not that I'm insulting her. I secretly think she's glamorous and exciting. That's why I'm paying her so much attention. We all read Thong Speed.

Sex. Politics. Sexual Politics. That's pretty catchy. I like to repeat it over and over.

I have to call her out, though. See, there's this "blog war" going on, and I want to make sure I'm on the right side. I'd hate to be shunned by the DC Blogosphere's Inner Circle. Comments from those guys are even more important than my Technorati rank.

Some anonymous poster has accused "Pagan" of leaking classified information to our collective sworn enemy. It is a bit weird because "Pagan" isn't even close to the "Inner Circle", and wouldn't be on their email list. And I'm choosing to ignore the commenter who suggested that Pagan was behind my fraternal parody blog, Big Fat Slob, because I know who writes that one.

Despite all evidence that she's been railroaded, I've decided to harsh on Pagan anyway, just to make sure no one thinks I'm squishy.

I have plenty of free time- my job isn't very important- so I can post several times a day. I don't worry about grammar or spelling or punctuation. It's more important to post the stuff I make up in a timely fashion.

When I post to my blog I usually crib stuff from Thong Speed. I spend a lot of time reading Thong Speed, laughing and looking for passages to repost. Some of her posts are over my head, but I like the ones where she talks about sex. Pagan has a lot of sex. I wonder if she's had sex with anyone famous...

I wish my other blog were more interesting, but there isn't really a story to tell. "Pagan" didn't really do anything wrong.

Plus, the blog war is so last week. No one is commenting on the parody blogs any more. I'm getting tired of making up new accusations. I'm having a hard time attracting readers, and my sitemeter is plummeting.